Of Biblical Proportions

I was thinking [Ed. "the 3 opening words that always precede one of my more stupid comments"], given that Jesus is always refered to as being a 'shepherd' and we are supposedly his 'flock', does this mean that he was possibly the first person ever to coin the term 'Sheeple'?

I asked this in the office and it met a frosty reception - but I guess religion is a divisive issue.

Also - zombie safari? There's an idea there.

The Lost Art Of Throwing Shapes

Everyone needs to be all over this - get on it immediately. Drop what you're doing and dance... now :)

KC and the Sunshine Band - Give It Up

This Isn't Goodbye, It's Great-Bye

As predicted, my blogging has become rather sparse as of late. Still - you know how it is; living life in the fast lane and various other vastly inaccurate clichés. Anyway, lets get on with some general updating...

Firstly, as some of you may have noticed, YouTube has become a bag of crap and have begun muting all the sound on many of my videos because it contains vaguely popular music. Up with this I shall not put. Therefore I have started to migrate all my videos to Vimeo, which is a much better site anyway. If you want to check them out - you can find my Vimeo page here.

Next, as much as I have been having tremendous fun in England [Ed. "I am not being sarcastic - nor is this sarcasm - nor was that...."], the time has come for another escape. I have re-applied for my old job teaching in Japan, had an interview, been offered a position and accepted. Assuming I am not struck down by illness/a bus/an act of God in the next 3 months, I will be returning to Japan in August. I really have enjoyed my time in England, but I can't abide the crappy weather and surplus of alcohol-fuelled idiots rampaging through the streets. Some may call that a little hypocritical as many would claim that the description 'rampaging alcohol-fueled idiot' would suit me rather well; however, there are idiots and there are idiots. So anyway, long story short - I have 3 more months left and then I intend to bail for a considerable time. I urge all those that have yet to grow weary of me to come visit me over there, as it is tremendous fun - hence my decision to return.

Now that I have a deadline, it's back on with the mega saving of pennies. Need to accumulate a vast amount of funds for my return, as I may or may not owe the Japanese government a moderate amount of taxes. It's all good though - you've gotta pay the piper at some point. This is however in direct conflict with my plans for the upcoming months, as I have many fine activities in the pipeline. As many of you have noticed I spend most weekends darting around all over the shop for capers - this is due to continue. Trips lined up over the coming month or two include Manchester (next weekend), Edinburgh, Liverpool, (probably) London and (hopefully) Amsterdam. If you would like to join me in any of these escapades, give me a shout. Those of you that live in said cities, your inclusion in capers is both assumed and mandatory ;)

Anyway, I have waffled on a fair bit and really said very little, so I will stop there for now. But I wanted to dust off this bad boy and get some words out there. Will try and convince Rami to get some updates posted as well.

In the meantime, I hope you're all chillin' like villains with massive grins on your faces :) Ciao.

Gepetto's So-Called Wunderkind

I'm feeling creative. I have been reading my friends' blogs - namely Valiant Skipper, Beers On The Corner and a travel blog chronicling the international exploits of some good friends of mine - and it has filled my brain with ideas/thoughts/feelings/impulses. More than I can possibly handle at one time - but it gave me an urge to do a great many things. One such urge was an immediate desire to do something creative. Now I'm no where near as blessed in the art department as many of my friends, but I am not without some element of creative flair.

I had 3 ways in mind to express my creative impulses. The first is the picture below.


Not much I know, but just a brief shout out to some upstanding pillars of the international community. Granted BxOxTxC might not mean alot, if anything, to most of you, but it is a reference to something that I have for too long neglected. See the aforementioned blogs for an insight. I have not made a video for quite some time and it was today that I had the vision of what my next one shall be; said theme being BxOxTxC. Stay tuned for more developments on that one.

The other avenue for creativity is Codename: BetaDog - which some of you are now aware of. My friend Chris and I have been putting together various ideas for t-shirt designs, just to see what we can come up with. Have a look and see what you think or if you have any ideas for any new t-shirts yourself. Anyway, this evening I busted out 4 new designs - so have a gander.

The other main thing that sprang to mind while reading my friends' blogs was my urge to flee Britain once again. I know I go on about this all the time, but it's a hard feeling to keep in. I'm not going to rush off any time soon as I currently have a cool job which pays well and this is a good situation for me to be in right now. However, I've been reminded that there are so many amazing places out there and I really need to go visit them sooner rather than later. To this end, I've currently been saving about £1000 a month and will continue to do so until the time to act is upon me.

I can't help but feel that our youth is like water in our hands. You may think to yourself that you have plenty of time, but if you don't make the most of it while you have it, it'll have run out before you even realise what happened - et voila, before you know you're an old man wondering what the hell happened.

Granted it could all be a combination of the recent sunshine, the energetic music I keep listening to, my lack of patience and having friends abroad - but I'm feeling a big tug towards the great unkown [Ed. Well, unknown to me].

I'm so buzzed and excitable recently - maybe it's all this healthy food I keep eating. Who knows. All I know is that I need adventure. I feel a bit like the Anti-Pinocchio; he was so desperate to become a real boy and it's a fate I'm trying desperately to avoid.

Codename: BetaDog

Chris and I have been designing t-shirts - have a gander and see if you like any of them. We're making new ones all the time. If you want one printed or want to submit a design yourself, then give us a shout. So go check out Codename: BetaDog.

You can follow Codename: BetaDog on twitter too to see when new designs come out.

Mind Over Matter

I think this has to be the highlight of the £12.50 diet - watching/smelling Chris eat a giant roast beef sandwich (also containing roast potatoes, yorkshire pudding and gravy) followed by a generously portioned white chocolate rice crispie cake for lunch, while my lunch consists of an apple.

Boy is this a great challenge.


[Ed. I'm probably going to have to abandon the challenge tomorrow. Not due to budget constraints, but I am going away for the weekend and it'll be way more hassle than it's worth trying to continue the challenge. However, I would like to state that had I been staying in Sheffield over the weekend, that I do have enough food in the house to continue the challenge if circumstances had been permitting. In other words - 'cop out'.]

Stalemate

Am I the only person who thinks that Ginger Nut biscuits are nicer stale than fresh? They become all soft and chewy - it's ace.

Guess I better bust out a quick update anyway. Firstly, the £12.50 diet - it's going alright so far. Mostly been eating lots of fruit, salad, tuna, baked beans, whole grain bread and some Ginger Nut biscuits. My daily calorie count is pretty low on this diet, but it's covering all the essential food groups I reckon. So you're is unlikely to get malnutrition, but given the low calorie count, you couldn't keep it up indefinitely I suppose. I have so far spent £9.42, leaving me with £3.08. Granted it's only Wednesday, but I have enough food at home to last me for the rest of the week. I will probably use the £3 on Friday to get more fruit for the weekend. The only thing that has made this a bit tricky is that I have had the dreaded ManFlu since Sunday evening.

A rare strain of flu so powerful and so deadly it can only be matched by the Bubonic Plague and Aids. A incurable virus which has adapted to only effect the "XY" gene found in men. The virus attacks the immune system 10,000 times harder than the average flu virus, causing excruciating pain for the victim. Man Flu has no cure and prayers can save the forsaken life of the infected. The often deadly virus is mostly laughed at by women who sadly cannot contract "Man Flu".

Woman: Is he ok?
Doctor: I'm afraid not, I'm sad to say he has Man Flu

- Quote from UrbanDictionary.com

Secondly, as many of you may be aware, I was on BBC Radio 6 on Monday. I was on George Lamb's weekday show. I'm sure I came across as the div kid that I am. If you want to listen to it, you should be able to catch it here for a limited time.

Other things that spring to mind:

- If you're planning to lose weight, I'd suggest the self-imposed budget restraint method rather than Rami's IDOYT diet, as even though I am sure there are merits to both systems, I'm pretty sure no-one ever suffered chronic kidney failure from beans on toast.

- From what I've listened to so far, Rokysopp's new album seems on a par with previous efforts and, as such, is well worth a listen. You can listen to the entire album on their website.

Pain vs Gain Part II

All the Paracetamol are driving me mad. Today I ripped a leftover red nose from Red Nose Day in half and it kind of looks like the sliced open, dismembered head of a World War 1 soldier from the book I'm reading...(great book by the way, I highly recommend it)

Booked a dentist appointment for Friday. Decided that general members of the public shouldn't be encouraged to go on the IDOYT diet.

Pain vs Gain

Further to Andokun’s most recent blog, I have also inadvertently stumbled across an exciting new way to keep food bills down… drugging myself!

After dealing with hideous toothache on Sunday, I decided that the best way to deal with the pain before going to the dentist would be to swallow enough Paracetamol to sedate a rhino. As well as this having a lovely numbing sensation to the problem area as well as the rest of my body, another positive side effect to this is that I seem to have lost all of my normally vigorous appetite. I haven’t eaten in 24 hours and I’m not the slightest bit peckish!

Forget the Atkins, the South Beach and Slim Fast… try the new Ramaldo “I’m Drugged Off mY Tits” (IDOYT) Diet! This incredibly cheap system (a pack of 16 Paracetamol only cost 15p these days!!) not only takes the edge of dieting but also off life. Side effects MAY include major liver damage but who can put a price on losing those stubborn inches?!

I’ll update you on this miracle diet drug soon (If I’m still alive).

Healthy vs Wealthy

I'm sure many of you are aware of a recent news story regarding a British family who are all claiming disability allowance on the grounds that they are all incapacitated by obesity. The family claims that none of them are able to work due to their weight problem and as such require benefits.

Now many could use/have used this to whinge about tax payers' money and idle layabouts etc in a very Daily Mail-esque manner, however none of those things concern me. What I am interested in is their budget. The family supposedly receives the equivalent of a £30k a year salary between the four of them; from this they say they have a food budget of £50 a week to feed four of them. They have claimed that this an insufficient amount to feed a family of four and they are therefore unable to eat healthy foods (such as fruit and vegetables) due to the aforementioned budget constrictions. As such they are forced to always opt for unhealthy options (ready meals etc) as these are cheaper.

It is this that has particularly intrigued me and lead me to my next personal challenge. Next week - commencing from Monday 23rd - I am going to try and survive for the week on a budget of £12.50 (1/4 of their £50 weekly budget) for all my food and drink requirements. I'm not trying to prove a point or be clever; I am just interested to see how difficult it is to have a healthy balanced diet (which is what I'm all about these days) on such a meager budget. Will see how it goes anyway - stay tuned.

Dear Shower...

Shower: What up fool! How'd you like your shower today - too hot or too cold?

Me: Is there any chance of a happy medium?

Shower: ...?

Me: You know - like just warm or a moderate temperature?

Shower: I can't understand a word you're saying.

Me: Ok ok - on the one hand we have hot, on the other hand we have cold; put you hands together. What do you get?

Shower: I can't even talk to you. You're just talking nonsense.

Me: Can you atleast try and imagine a temperature between hot and cold?

Shower: Tell you what - you seem to like imagining things; you just came up with this conversation after all. So how about, I run at whatever damn temperature I please and you just imagine it's what you wanted?

Me: I see. While we're on the subject - is there any chance you could just pick one temperature and stick to it? Rather than changing your mind every 2 minutes.

Shower: Walk away - walk away now.

Me: ...

Tired Eyes

I had a random thought.  I went to the pub.  I returned.  I made... something...

I'm going to bed now.

How London is making me bitter pt. 1

thelondonpaper.com and london lite free evening newspapers

Week One: What's this, a free newspaper? How convenient! It's great how all the people handing them out are all standing in ideal places to ensure you get a copy just before you get onto the Tube.

Here's an article in here on Lilly Allen and where she goes on a night out. I can't see why any of the ladies would buy their usual Heat magazine if they can just dip into these papers and get their fix of daily gossip. Loads of London news and things to do as well as the sport in the back too! Sure it gets my hands a little smudged with ink but hey, its a free newspaper and it gives me something to read on the way home for a few minutes. Well done to whoever set this up for coming up with a fantastic business idea. I wish I'd thought of it.

End of Year One: Just f*** off, f*** off and get out of my way!! I'm trying to get home and here you are, standing in the way of the Tube entrance making everyone walk around you as you desperately hand out your filthy, stinking rags. You shove those disgusting papers full of the same half ar$ed cut and paste articles from the Daily Mail and adverts for sh*tty new build apartments in Slough into peoples hands who are too polite to say no. I am going to slap you with the weighty novel I've taken to carrying around with me without actually reading it because I think it will impress pretty girls. They should find out who's organising this ritual inconvenience to the whole of London and hang them up by their knackers.

Stratergy meeting...Smatergy meeting more like!!

S’up bloggers and bloggets, I’m currently sat in our department’s monthly meeting and could think of no better time for updating my blog. Considering our Director has just drawn a picture of a leaking bucket in order to explain to the group how our business is currently a “leaky bucket” and described the Senior Management’s strategy for hitting a budget £1.5 million over projected growth as “magic”, I don’t think I’m missing much.

Some general thoughts and musings:

I’ve now decided I hate Radio1 and refuse to have it on even in the background. The worst aspect of this being the incredibly lazy journalism which rears its ugly head every half hour. Instead I’ve moved over to Magic FM… Dr. Fox’s smooooth classics are a great way to wake up every morning.

Lady GaGa’s new track is the worst piece of pop music I’ve ever heard in my life.

For some unknown reason I’ve started looking for a wedding ring on the fingers of those ladies I gawp at on the Underground. I have no intention of speaking to these women but subconsciously I still feel it necessary to look for silverware.

I’ve started carrying a handkerchief around with me as I think it looks much better than tissues or wiping snot on your jeans. I know I’m just carrying around the contents of my nose in my pocket but it just feels right OK?!

All five thoughts I’ve just mentioned along with my embarrassing fall in the shower this weekend have made me realise I’m a really old man.

I really want to get a Blackberry. Not because I will use its capabilities to their fullest extent, just because I think it looks cool. Is this the modern day equivalent of a Secondary School kid taking a briefcase to classes?

I re-watched The Office - UK edition again this weekend and it’s no longer a hilarious and outlandish take on a crazy world I’ve never been to, but a harrowing documentary on how pointless it is getting up every morning. I prayed this day would never come.

I’m going to work on my “I’m pretending to listen to you face”. It needs more eyebrow.

Still not heard anything from Doha and Qatar Airways. I’m starting to think that interview went really badly.

I can’t wait to see the gang down in London this weekend! I’ve planned a kick ass itinerary which should be waiting for you all in your inboxes.

KAPLOW!

Ok so following up from yesterday's post, I did indeed both film my house and purchase a new phone.

The new phone could be viewed as a downgrade in terms of features, as it doesn't have quite as many gadgets as my old phone; but I decided that I didn't need any of those extra features - all I need is something to make calls, send/receive texts and look stylish.  Therefore I decided to go for the Sony Ericsson T303.  It doesn't have lots of features, but it's small, cool looking and was very cheap (I paid under £30 for a new one).  Also as my previous phone was also Sony Ericsson, it meant that the learning curve was barely even there - as learning how to use a new phone is a nuisance.

Secondly, the video - I made a quick video of the house yesterday before popping into town, so here it is.  Enjoy :)

Just A Quickie

After reading Ra-to-the-Mizzle's most excellent update I figured the least I could do was give a quick heads up as to what I am doing with myself these days - or rather, I am predictably rising to the challenge after Rami's little dig at my lack of blogging.  Will keep this brief as I have got to go do stuff today and I have yet to do anything more impressive than get out of bed - though that was quite a feat in itself given how I felt this morning.  I'm going to do this in bitesize chunks of varied relevance and in no particular order - enjoy :)

• As previously mentioned, I am living in Sheffield.  This is proving to be most excellent.  The job is going well thus far - the work is within my abilities and the people are nice.  It's the kind of office environment that I enjoy.
• With few exceptions (like last night) I am being mega healthy these days.  I most just eat salads, fish and a little pasta; I even take little tubs of salad to work.  I'm also getting stuck back into my regular exercise regime.  Need to get to a comfortable level somewhere between where I am now and Christian Bale in The Machinist - that's just disturbingly skinny. 
• On the whole health note, I made a 'DaMe' (だめ) list this month.  DaMe is Japanese for 'Don't do it/Stop it'.  Basically it's something I came up with in Japan - think about things that you've been over-indulging in or just want to give up, write them down in a list and write the date of when you started on the top (is easiest to go inline with calendar months I find) then keep the list with you at all times.  If you fail an item, you must cross it off the list.  It's simple I know, but I find that I won't stick to something unless I write it down - once it's on paper, it's law.  I recommend it to anyone who wants to be a bit healthier - though be warned that you will get a weird response from everyone, as most people regard it as ridiculous.  Anyway, on my list for March are:
  
  
  
  • Beer
  • Chips
  • Cheese
  • Crisps
  • Chocolate

• I am going to buy a new phone after I write this post.  I've tried looking online and chosing, but I can't decide.  So I am just going to go into town, as I need to explore Sheffield anyway, and pick one at random.  Hopefully I'll get something half decent for around the £70-80 mark.  I don't want a new phone, but my old one is struggling with life even more than I am, so I think it's only fair to give it a rest.
• Next weekend I am going to London - hopefully to celebrate Ramaldo's new job and failing that, just to celebrate in general, as he is rapidly about to join me and other fine minds upon the old man bench.
• I am rapidly growing tired of drinking - every time I go out I find drinking more and more of a chore.  I think next month I will take beer off my DaMe list, as I really like drinking ale just for enjoyment.  Then I will put either a 2 or 3 drinks per day limit onto next month's DaMe list.  A whole month without drunkeness - should be interesting.
• When I get back from town I will make a quick video of my house and my room and get it uploaded for you - so stay tuned.

Right, that's all I've got time for I think.  Gonna go bust a move, grab a shower and find me a phone - maybe a laundry basket too.  I shall leave you with a most excellent song that I heard on Radio 6, which we listen to everyday at work - it's awesome.  I've become a big fan of George Lamb, but the real delights for me are Danny Wallace, who occassionally sits in for George Lamb and has long been recommended to be by a certain someone (you know who you are) and also Adam & Joe, who I have been a fan of for a long time.

Anyway, enjoy:  Jack Penate - Tonight's Today

Fat of the Land

Alright.

Since Andy has been terrible at updating his blog and I really want to unload I thought I would give it a go. As I had a little trouble with my last attempt at this with people googling me, I've tried not to use my normal name so if I've messed up and my name comes up let me know.

Well, just got back from a job interview in Qatar Airways in Doha. I was expecting it to be an in and out discussion since I'd been suggested for the job by my current manager who would be my new manager in my new job. After a very long flight and sitting around for hours waiting to talk to my interview people it went remarkably well... I made up loads of stuff about how I knew about airlines and they bought it all. I MAY have overdone it a bit as before I knew it I was sat in the VPs office with him asking me whether I'd like a job negotiating all their codeshares. After about 5 minutes of a few very basic questions the jig was up. He was either delighted with the answers I gave or disgusted his HR department for paying for the hotel and lunch I had slept in and devoured respectively . I wont have confirmation of which way it went and will have to wait until I get an e-mail from them some point this week. I'll be sure to update as soon as I get something.

On a slight side track I met the other guy going for the original job who was thoroughly nice. He used to work for Delta Airlines and had recently taken voluntary redundancy. He got 6 months pay in one lump sum and FREE FIRST CLASS travel anywhere in the world for 2 years! Where would you even start with that offer on the table? Answers on a postcard please.

What Up Wit Chu?

[Ed.  This post was written about 2 weeks ago and I had just saved it on Blogger rather than actually posting it.]

Yes yes yes - I've been rubbish with posting (again).  This was innevitable.  Let's all calm down and realise what's important in our lives - Arnold Schwarzenegger.  I am currently sitting in Ian's lounge, with him and Chris, watching my 2nd Arnie film of the last few days.  Saturday saw me watching Total Recall - one of the greatest cinematic feats of the 20th Century.  We are now watching The Sixth Day on Channel Something and drinking ale - times are good.

Time for updaterising the nation I suppose.  I'll do this briefly as I am trying to watch the film.  Firstly I quit my previous job and took up a new one in Sheffield at Ian's place of work.  A bit sudden and random I know.  Basically Ian called me on Friday (13th) and offered me the job making 'Internets'.  On the following Monday (16th) I called him back, accepted the position and then informed my then boss that I had to change jobs.  I decided to change as the job at Ian's company seemed more interesting and I fancied the idea of living in Sheffield for a bit.  I'm currently halfway through a 2 day trial and, assuming tomorrow goes fine, will be working with them for atleast a couple of months.  I made some phone calls today, so tomorrow Ian and I will go check out some apartments and try to find me some temporary accomodation.

Other things of note involve... hmm - I can't think right now.  The whole quitting job and moving to Sheffield is the big news.  I've come up with a backup plan too - assuming this job ends after 2-3 months, I plan to move to Australia and make my way in the world.  Still, we'll see how it goes.

No doubt Ian will later read this and be disgusted with the fact that I have blogger all over his couch - but I'm sure I'm not the first and will undoubtedly not be the last.  Anyway, I'm gonna get back to Arnie-loving.  I'll give you an update tomorrow or sometime later this week with how apartment hunting goes.  Adios amigos.

I O U

I have noticed that I am massively behind on my blogging. This is shocking behaviour on my part... well, 'shocking' is the wrong word as it's entirely predictable, but rest assured that I intend to rectify this in the near future.

I'm not going to give a full update now as I am ridiculously tired, due in no small part to sneaking back into my house this morning at 6am like some delinquent teenager and then going to work and having my brain melt slowly over the course of the day. Anyway, this will all be explained in full/briefly/not at all in the near future. For now I'll just give a very brief overview as to the topics that need to be covered:

• Quitting my job
• Moving to Sheffield
• Back-up plans
• General capers
• Plans for the near future

Stay tuned :)

The Not-So-Lost Boys

Bonsoir. A couple of glasses of red wine and the urge to blog came over me. Well 'urge' is the wrong word - more of a half-hearted compulsion. But anyway, might as well get stuck in now that I've started.

I guess we could start with what I've been up to, but I don't feel like it. Needless to say that I've been going out, poisoning my body, meeting new people - some memorable and some not - and generally keeping myself entertained. I thought today I'd share some of the big thoughts that have entered my brain during the last several hours of consciousness.

1. How on earth is it so cold in my office, that even with hiking boots and 3 pairs of socks (2 pairs of which are thermal socks) that my toes still feel so numb as that they might fall off my feet at any moment. I question my body's circulation.
2. Empire of the Sun are awesome.
3. If the opportunity avails itself I intend to return to Japan. I've let the thought simmer away on the back-burners of my mind for a while and now I think it's the right thing to do. Well, maybe not the right thing - but certainly a thing. My plans were finalised after consulting the Magic Eight Ball.
4. I am actually astounded by the number of colds I have endured during this winter in England. It seems I left my immune system in Japan.
5. I need to make a video - it has been ages. This bothers me. I need some inspiration/motivation/inovation/perspiration/respiration...? I need to pull my thumb out.
6. I wonder if the Japanese government will remember that I owe them £700 of taxes. I tell a lie - at current exchange rates it's more like £1000. I guess it'll be interesting to find out. I wonder if the phone company will be after me as well.

Anyway - there are some things on/in/around my mind. As for happenings - last weekend I reminded myself that intoxication combined with my dodgy eyesight and strobe lights result in me having the visual accuity of a bat in dark glasses who has been staring directly into the sun for a month. I was a mess - but it was fun. This weekend I intend to attack London. It should prove interesting.

I'm going to leave you with this unashamedly weird and fun video from Empire of the Sun. This song is fantastic and puts a smile on my face - hopefully you'll like it too.

I Never Drink... Wine.

Yo yo yo. I know what you're thinking - "Where the bloody hell have you been!?", "Who even is this guy!?", "Why am I reading this!?", "Where is my coffee!?" and "How does this guy know what I'm thinking!?". Well, the answers to all those questions and more will be revealed - maybe not in this post and maybe not by me, but no doubt at some point through the natural passing of time.

Anyway - let's get up to speed. I seem to have left off last Thursday (Jan 29th) with a hefty hangover and an intriguing story about a young man's quest for good jeans. The events that transpired since then are as follows...

Friday (Jan 30th): Well, it was a Friday - that puts all my actions into perspective. People can do no wrong on a Friday; unless it's your boss giving you a massive amount of work just before you leave, a lingering customer in your store who entered 5 minutes before closing time or you're a rather prudish young man by the name of Jason and your at an American summer camp full of raunchy teens. Come to think of it though, I was pretty well behaved on Friday.

I hung out with my student friends and, after successfully avoiding drinking anything too horrible during the drinking games at their house, hit the town. Town was entertaining. Most of us failed to enter the club as the queue was slow and long, so we sacked it off and went into a nearby Lloyds, which can't quite decide if it's a pub/bar/club. Times were good, I met nice people and managed to replace Sambuca shots with Tequila.

All in all, a resounding success. I got home at about 4am-ish, made myself a sandwich with salad (after walking past the kebab shop - well pleased with that) and then fell asleep. Woke up 6 hours later on...

Saturday (Jan 31st - unsurprisingly): Fortunately my hangover was mild and easily fixable. This came as quite a surprise given how my hangovers usually turn out these days. I was due to get myself up to Leeds for my friend's birthday do; so my lack of hangover was paramount to the day's success. I had everything in hand, right up until the point where I realised that I had confused my friends address with a place just outside of Nottingham and had to re-plan my entire route. Upon checking the train times I realised that if I was to get to this party on time I had only 40 minutes to get up, get ready and get to my train. This is pretty typical for my level of planning as those of you who know me well will know. Somehow I always seem to leave myself no time to do anything. Needless to say I readied myself at lightning pace and raced over to my train, just making it in time.

I met my friends in Leeds, who I hadn't seen since summer in Japan (when I met them actually) and they introduced me to their friends and there was much rejoicing. We went to the trendiest curry house in the world. It was great - it looked like the sort of curry restaurant you'd expect the Jetsons to frequent. However, I do think that having a curry house furnished solely in a white minimalist style is very optimistic. They clearly place more faith in my eating abilities than I.

Afterwards we went to a club called Fab Cafe - one of a chain of clubs that some of you may be aware of. It was really fun and there was, again, much rejoicing. However this time there was no escaping the dreaded Sambuca shots.

Events rolled into one another - like drunk people on a dance floor - and before you could say "Oh God no, it's Sunday"; it was...

Sunday (Feb 1st - you see the pattern emerging): This day greeted me under the guise of a lovely normal Sunday, free of burden or responsibility. After a morning of reading Empire and dilly-dallying, it suddenly dawned on me that I only had one possible train to catch home [Ed. "Good old UK Sunday train service"] and I had very little time to get from my friend's house to the station.

I very rapidly and briefly made my goodbyes before shooting off to the bus stop, only to find that I had missed the bus by 3 minutes and the next one would be along 10 minutes after my train departed. I began to contemplate how once again I'd failed at one of life's simple tasks and the possible consequences of this, when just at that moment a white miracle taxi appeared over the horizon (well - from round the bend). I hailed said cab and bid him take me to the train station as fast as his little wheels [Ed. "Perfectly normal sized wheels"] would take me. As we pulled up I handed over a wad of cash and told him to keep the change. I then ran like a late-person-with-long-legs to my train and jumped on just as the doors were closing for an amazing photo finish. I was incredibly pleased that, assuming this was the right train, I'd managed to get away with being utterly useless and not really suffering much for it.

I finally got home, where the weekend's collective 8 hours sleep and vast quantity of toxins caught up with me. I had a roast dinner, then died in my room. So ends another great weekend.

Well, that covers last weekend (just in time for this one). I will cover what I got up to during the week in-between in another post - maybe tomorrow. Right now I have to get back to bed and finish watching Dracula, as I fell asleep watching it earlier. It's a tough one to watch when tired - hence why I've never managed to get through it before.

I shall leave you with a classic tune that's always worthy of a listen...

DJ Shadow - Blood on the motorway

The Plan

Hmm I'm not really sure what I was talking about there. Based on the events that transpired subsequent to that last post, I can only assume that my plan was as follows:

1. Go to bed smirking with an undue sense of optimism about the next 24 hours.
2. Awake to a sensation I can only describe as "Ugh.... please no."
3. Provide yet more evidence that my mother's disappointment in me is well founded and receive the 'burning the candle at both ends' talk.
4. Go to work wishing I was dead, feeling very dehydrated with red eyes and no doubt smelling like a tramp. [Ed. "Tramps may well be loveable rogues, but they smell like ass."]
5. Spend my day with my head in my hands while parts of my brain implode.
6. Return home and don dressing gown.

If this was indeed my plan, as mentioned last night while very inebriated, then I'd say that it was a resounding success and that I am a master tactician. Then again, we all knew that already.

The day has not been without its highlights though. For starters, I'm not dead - despite praying to every God I could think of for the sweet release of my head actually falling clean off my shoulders. I can scarcely imagine the excitement - if indeed that's the right word - that my spontaneous head displacement would cause in the office. Secondly, I'm now home and can proceed to spend the rest of my evening in bed chillin' like a villain.

Another highlight is thanks to my mother's keen negotiation skills. This merits a new paragraph, as it needs explaining. While getting ready to go to the house party last night (I was 20 minutes late in the end - not bad by my standards), I decided to wear my new jeans that I picked up in Debenhams the other day. My previous favourite pair have become subject to many holes over the course of time, but they've now developed a rather unfortunate crotch window that has consequently rendered them ill-advised evening wear; especially in these cold winter months. I therefore set out to find a new pair of jeans that were as close as possible in style to my previous favourites. Luckily the Sonneti section of Debenhams was able to furnish me with exactly what I wanted, much to my surprise. On a quick side note, after checking the Debenhams website, I am displeased to see that said jeans have dropped down by £9 in the 5 days since I purchased them - oh well. Anyway, [Ed. "This has become an incredibly long, drawn out paragraph for a not very interesting story."] last night I was about to put on the aforementioned jeans when I noticed that the shop assistant had left the ink-filled security tag still attached to the jeans - as such I was unable to wear them for the evening. My mum took them back to Debenhams today, while I was at work, to have the security tag removed and managed to walk away with a compensatory £5 voucher. Therefore I think I'll treat myself to a nice t-shirt or something from there on Saturday.

Right, the time has come, the walrus said - I'm off to sit in bed and watch telly while my brain shrinks like an old balloon. I'll leave you all to amuse yourselves in whatever debauched manner seems fit to you. Alternatively, you can listen to this song:

Adele - Hometown (Axwell Remode Remix]

It's making me feel ready to throw some shapes on Friday night already.

Milk 2

We never get old. I have a plan. I feel sick. BUT I have a plan. Will explain later.

Milk

Like myself, many of you may have noticed that you have become subject to ageing. Ageing is a terrible affliction, known to affect people at random with a variety of symptoms; face cancer, unwillingness to 'live it up to the max', adding unnecessary sound effects to simple bodily functions, disillusionment, a skewed 'yawning/not yawning ratio', hair displacement, complaining more about things despite increasing indifference... the list goes on. We all hope to age like fine wine, but the reality of it is that we age more like milk.

The reason I'm thinking about ageing is because it's a work night, I am incredibly tired and I am due to leave the house in 20 minutes to go to a student houseparty. Right now I can think of nothing better than sitting down in comfy clothes, in a comfy chair and watching some light-hearted comedy before having an early night. Furthermore, knowing that I was to attend this house party, rather than take some cheap lager or vodka and mixer etc, I seem to have purchased a few expensive ales that I intend to slowly sup during the course of the evening.

How on earth has this mental shift come to pass? Not more than 6 months ago, I was out partying almost every night without fail. I used to have a job where I had to wake up at 5am for an hour and a half commute and yet I still spent only 1 or 2 nights in my apartment per week. Most evenings I was out living life. Right now 'living life' seems like something that can wait till the weekend. Even then, I am filled with a slight amount of dread about having to get a train to Leeds on Saturday and then having to deal with Sunday trains and not having a day to sit around in my dressing gown watching TV. This is a shocking attitude. I am usually known for my undue amount of enthusiasm towards all possibly enjoyable activities. I am labelling this current period in my life as a Funk.

It's not that I'm not happy or bored - I am perfectly contented with my current circumstance. I have a job, money, plenty of friends and a very easy life. However, I can't help but feel that I should be doing things. Maybe this too is a subject of ageing; that nagging feeling that the sands of time are running out, so I should go and do things while I still have time. I know that I am only 25 and am far from being classed as 'old', but I'm still older than I was (a redundant statement I know) - point being that the time between then and now passed by way too quickly and continues to do so.

Hmm like other old fogey friends, I seem to have lost my train of thought. I was distracted by singing along to a Girls Aloud song - which I suppose serves as a sign that even though I may feel about 100 years old right now, I'm still wonderfully immature :) (the smiley face is further testiment to this).

Anyway - I'm going to drag myself off for a shower, as the aforementioned 20 minutes, has now reduced to 4. Then I'm going to go find the happy middle-ground between being a fun-loving houseparty-goer and a sensible person who doesn't want to feel like a zombie tomorrow. For we all know - Zombies don't win hugs.

Another World, Another Time... In the Age of Wonder.

Things I found in my head:

• I wish I had eaten less of that chocolate Santa.
• Friendly Fires - 'Paris' is an awesome song.
• What happened to Yogi Bear?
• Brrrap Obama.
• Keifer Sutherland is cool.
• iPlayer Downloader is a very handy program.
• I have an urge to watch Face Off and I, Robot but lack the resolve (or a copy of Face Off).
• I seem to have lost the motivation to move my left arm.
• Brave-starr! Bravestarr! Eyes of the hawk, Ears of the wolf!
• If you had the ability to fly, how much would you really use it on a day-to-day basis? I mean without an aeroplane.... airplane.... plane.
  
• An Aero-plane would undoubtedly be structurally unsound.
• I can't believe there is a whole website devoted to a chocolate bar.
• Sarah Jessica Parker really isn't as bad looking as people claim.
• Flight of the Navigator was amazing.
• I might be wrong about the SJP thing.
• I haven't 'concurred' in ages.
  

Drizzle Fo' Shizzle

My last post got me thinking - namely about 'drizzle'. Here are some drizzle related wonders/musings that have been kindly provided by our sponsors - The Magic of T'Internets.

• Drizzle "(also called mizzle) is light precipitation consisting of liquid water drops smaller than those of rain, and generally smaller than 0.5 mm (0.02 in.) in diameter." [Wikipedia]
• Drizzle could be a suitable nickname for Dr Dre.
• Drizzle is "a story which develops around a young marine biologist and his assistant, who suddenly find themselves able to communicate with whales at the same time the International Whaling Commission, following a twenty year moratorium, re-opens the seas to harvesting whales." [A novel by John H Burns]
• Drizzle could be urban slang for the derailment of a train... D-Rizzle.
• Drizzle is "hydroponically grown marijuana." [Urban Dictionary]
• Drizzle in French would be 'Drizzlé'.
• Drizzle is "a lightweight SQL database for Cloud and Web" - you're guess is as good as mine. [Launchpad]
• Drizzle is one of the 'Stealth rains' - along with 'Spitting'. You'll be soaked through before you even realise that it was raining.
• Drizzle is "the best little independent ISP in the Puget Sound region". I don't know what a 'Puget' is or what sound it/they make. [Drizzle.com]
• Drizzle is the appropriate action to take when applying lemon juice to your pancake prior to the addition of a light dusting of sugar.

Delayed Gratification

Bonsoir mes amis. Apologies for the considerable amount of time between this most recent post and my previous one - but what can I say, I'm rubbish. Anyway, lets get this up-to-date with where things stand at the moment.

I forget where I left things, but as of the last 2 weeks I have been a working man - just like a normal person. These two weeks have been pretty good. However, I absolutely loathe waking up in the morning - man should not rise before the sun. Fact. Waking up feeling like a zombie, with bleeding eyes and hatred towards everything can't be good for people and it can't be just me that feels this way in the mornings. On the plus side, I received my first non-government paycheck since August, which was very nice indeed. Being poor is not for me. Hopefully over the next few months I'm going to be able to save up a nice big wad of cash - then I will definitely have to pull my finger out and come up with a plan.

I'm now trying to think what else I've been up to recently. Not alot it seems. Work has taken over my days - something we all experience and tolerate, but something we all slightly resent when it comes close to the end of Sunday and Monday looms afore us like an ominous zeppelin, full of irrate monkey managers screaming and throwing pots and pans down at you from the heavens while you desperately try and catch them all like an over-worked character in a retro computer game. Atleast that's how I envisage work being tomorrow. But atleast I'll get in tomorrow and be reminded that it's actually a nice place to work, with pleasant people; think of those poor souls who actually do have the job of cleaning up after the Monkey Zeppelin.

This weekend I decided to take it easy and chill like a villain - exercising, eating wonderful things, playing on Xbox Live with friends and catching up on TV. It's been absolutely fantastic. This is the disguised blessing of work - as soon as you lose your free time, the rare times where you can just sit on your backside doing very little seem like bliss. I guess it's like they say, without the bitter the sweet wouldn't taste half as... sweet - something like that anyway. I'd say it's like how having pancakes with only sugar on and no lemon would be considerably less amazing than going the whole hog and drizzling that lemon juice all over the shop. Not applying the lemon juice also prevents you from utilising one of life's rare opporunities to 'drizzle' - think about it; how often do you drizzle things?

I think that's enough for now. I am going to go watch the first 2 episodes of the new series of Lost. I am very excited. My friend informed me that the new series had started, so I downloaded the new episodes on Thursday and saved them for today. Many people have lost interest in Lost over the years, but it's one of the few shows that I'm sticking with and I love it. When I finally get around to visiting Canada, I am also owed a delicious Cold Stone ice cream thanks to a Lost-related wager - you know who you are ;)

Anyway, enjoy whatever you were doing prior to reading this or had planned for after reading this. If you are now at a loose end then I shall leave you with this excellent tune that I discovered recently while educating myself as to what is currently in the charts...

Madcon - Beggin'

Ostravar

I'm currently enjoying the finest Czech lager that one can buy for £1.15 in your local Somerfield (subject to availability, currency and various other factors) . Times are good.

I have now completed two days working at my new job. It’s pretty good as admin jobs go. It’s no doubt more entertaining than most due to the inherent drama that is associated with the teenagers that the company helps. I had forgotten how much teenagers manage to imbue an unnecessary amount of drama into all life’s seemingly inconsequential ups and downs. Watching them express their concerns is like watching an unconvincing soap opera on TV – great stuff. The other staff I work with are all nice and have been very helpful – which is good, as I can only pretend like I know what I’m doing for so long without assistance. Fortunately all of the job’s requirements of me have been well within my abilities and I’ve been able to impress with a modest amount of IT savvy (and no doubt being dashing and charming won a few hearts and minds too).

Job aside, I’ve been occupying my time with exercising and my future plans – both long term and the more immediate future. In the immediate future – I will joined by one of my more lovely friends (a girl in other words) this weekend to go to a party with some lovely Lincoln students who will all be dressed as cheerleaders. Needless to say, I was sold on this concept immediately. I’ll endeavour to get pictures, but don’t count on it as I am useless at photographing things these days.

Stretching slightly further into the future I am planning some partying in Leeds at the end of this month, followed by more London shenanigans early next month, then Manchester again and then very possibly Liverpool. All of this being dependent on finances of course as I have no idea when my first pay cheque will be. I must admit that I am rather relishing the idea of not being poor again. As much as I have been able to live quite comfortably on my modest budget, those of you that know me well will know that comfortable and modest are not life goals that I strive for. I am very much all about indulgence and extravagance and generally satisfying my every whim without worrying about consequence.

As far as long term plans are concerned, I have been investigating which countries I would like to visit. I was originally thinking Australia or Singapore so that I might join some friends of mine. However, I then thought that it might be nice to go somewhere on my own and dive in at the deep end again. I therefore had a thought about which countries interest me and where would be a unique and exciting experience. So far the list involves Tibet/Nepal, Jamaica (though I don’t care for the humidity), Thailand, Cuba, Mexico. Most of these countries would probably involve me working as an English teacher again, but that’s fine – it’s a perfectly fun job and a handy ticket anywhere. However Nepal has opportunities to work in Orphanages and conservation areas – which might be interesting. Maybe if I got a job looking after orphans it might slightly reduce the risk of me going to hell for my usually selfish style of living – no worries if not though. I am also tempted to join the thousands applying for The Best Job In The World which my friend recently informed me of.

I was going to leave you with some cool music to download, but t'internets is thwarting my most excellent plans. Instead I am going to go play GTA IV online on my Xbox 360 and leave you with a slight feeling of emptiness. Adios.

[Ed. "Here ya go - I fixed t'internets: DJ Yoda/Sway - Chatterbox. Enjoy."]

Coolio FTW

I'm very on and off with Big Brother, but as I haven't watched it for a few years now I've decided to dabble a little with the latest series of Celebrity Big Brother. I have watched it a couple of times during this first week and am now definitely rooting for Coolio to win, although I am sure that he probably won't. He seems to be the only member of the house that actually has a personality and any banter at all - the other members of the house comprise of the dull and the positively awful. I don't doubt that Coolio will be nominated at every possible opportunity, but I really hope he goes the distance as he's the only character worth watching. I'm sure I'm not alone on this one.

The Goosebump Conundrum

It has just occurred to me how rubbish Goosebumps are. It's bad enough that your body chooses to signify its distaste for the climate by altering the texture of your skin to appear similar to that of a goose - as if shivering, chattering teeth and, for men, a sometimes severe blow to your masculine fortitude weren't enough. But it has also dawned on me that Goosebumps actually increase the surface area of your skin, thus allowing you to lose heat faster and become colder. It's the metaphorical equivalent of trying to cool down by wrapping yourself in a duvet.

Maybe I should create an 'Anti-Goosebumps' group on Facebook...?

The Start Of Something New

Yo. [Ed. "Not a strong start - but it'll do"]

After seeing that many of my friends are now blogging and after some mild encouragement , I've decided to give blogging another punt. I'm not envisaging a massively strong return to form - atleast not at first, but I'll crack on and see what comes out.

Might as well start with a personal update. As you may all recall, up until recently (well, kinda recently) I had been living in Japan - where I met many fine individuals. On September 10th 2008 I returned home - a move which many have questioned. I don't know why I left - it was just the right time. Well, 'right time' is probably the wrong label to use as I decided to give up a secure job during the beginnings of a global economic downturn and return to a country full of people far more skilled and experienced than me, who are equal to me only in their new found need of employment. Anyway, I like a challenge (lies) and, more to the point, I am known for making stupid decisions.

So here I am - in Merry Ol' England. Now not to worry, this isn't all doom and gloom ; as I realise my opening paragraphs have set that kind of theme. I wanted to start a blog on a vaguely positive note, so luckily I have positive things to say. For a start, I have mostly really enjoyed being a bum living at home. Once I got used to it, it was great. All my food is bought/prepared for me, clothes are washed and ironed and there is no rent - this is all good. Couple this with the fact that I have endless free time to exerise, eat healthy, play Xbox online, catch up on the TV shows that I missed while I was busy living life - also most excellent. Then, as the final icing on the cake, the government gives me just enough money every week to keep myself stocked of DVDs, Games and booze (gotta go out and socialise sometimes). I thoroughly recommend unemployment to those wth the right attitude (and circumstance I suppose). All I do is work out, play games, watch TV, eat nice healthy food and go party with both old and new friends. Times are good.

Ok, so I may have fudged over somethings and glamourised it a little - but on the whole, I am pretty content. However, as much as it's nice to be a bum - I knew this would just be a short time thing, because there are much better ways to spend my youth than just chilling out. I'm considering this a taster session for retirement (assuming that happens). So, other than the good parts of unemployment, there is that one large, ominous cloud hanging overhead that we've all encountered at one point or another - job hunting...

Job hunting is life's way of trying to crush and grind your spirit like black pepper. It is incredibly easy to become disillusioned and demoralised and I have seen it happen to many friends - it's happened to me once or twice as well. As much as it sounds a bit clichéd, the key really is determination, perseverence and positivity. Upon coming home, I took a month to get used to life in England again (it's all the same old grey) and then have spent the last 3 months job hunting. I started strong; doing maybe about 5+ applications per day - but that number soon started to decrease. The compfy lifestyle that I currently enjoy is both a blessing and curse, because you find yourself not that bothered as to whether or not you get a job. It seems strange to think that life can be too easy at times.

Luckily my friends are good enough to regularly call me on being a lazy goon and don’t let me quit the hunt for work. So, feeling morally obliged to find work, I persevered with my quest to eliminate my free time and, as of last Thursday (8^th Jan), that dragon has been slain (so to speak). Thanks to a friend of mine hooking me up with a trial day at his place of work, I have now gained employment and from Monday (12^th Jan) I will be attempting to pass myself off as real person with a job and everything.

This will now allow me to get back on with my plan, consisting of 3 main points:

1) Get cash – Unfortunately jobs are essential to attain any real amount of money, unless you are very lucky or a convincing criminal sort or both.

2) Get experience – My CV needs bulking up, to become a MEGATRON CV (its new title). CVs (or Resumes for my overseas friends) are like rolling stones gathering moss – you just gotta keep that CV rolling downhill so… wait – what the hell I am saying. Ignore the ‘downhill’ aspect – you wanna be reaching for the stars… or something. For those of you with slightly more realistic ambition, just imagine you are reaching for a slightly higher shelf than where you can comfortably reach for. Anyway, the point is the more I get on my CV, the more weighty it’ll be when I bash prospective employers round the head with it to demonstrate my suitability for a role. [Ed. “Apologies to the families of those lost in the train wreck that was this paragraph – I am no longer quite as skilled at wielding metaphors as I once was.”]

3) Leave the country – As much as I like England, if I were her captain I’d be yelling “Abandon Ship!”. Not that it’s much worse than anywhere else I’m sure – it’s just not my cup of tea. There are many places in the world that I need to see, so I don’t have time to wallow around here in the infinite greyness of England. To date, I have only lived in one other country and that one proved better than here – I can’t believe I am lucky enough to pick the only country better than England first time, so there must be other places that are also awesome and I wish to reside in all of them for some undetermined period of time. I guess I should be fair and say that other countries are not necessarily ‘better’ than England – it’s all subjective I suppose.

Anyway, I think I’ve waffled on for long enough. To sum up: Bum – Job – Money – Escape… Hmm perhaps not the best summary, but it’ll do. Oh and to anyone currently hunting for that elusive job dragon – look up...