Of Biblical Proportions

I was thinking [Ed. "the 3 opening words that always precede one of my more stupid comments"], given that Jesus is always refered to as being a 'shepherd' and we are supposedly his 'flock', does this mean that he was possibly the first person ever to coin the term 'Sheeple'?

I asked this in the office and it met a frosty reception - but I guess religion is a divisive issue.

Also - zombie safari? There's an idea there.

The Lost Art Of Throwing Shapes

Everyone needs to be all over this - get on it immediately. Drop what you're doing and dance... now :)

KC and the Sunshine Band - Give It Up

This Isn't Goodbye, It's Great-Bye

As predicted, my blogging has become rather sparse as of late. Still - you know how it is; living life in the fast lane and various other vastly inaccurate clichés. Anyway, lets get on with some general updating...

Firstly, as some of you may have noticed, YouTube has become a bag of crap and have begun muting all the sound on many of my videos because it contains vaguely popular music. Up with this I shall not put. Therefore I have started to migrate all my videos to Vimeo, which is a much better site anyway. If you want to check them out - you can find my Vimeo page here.

Next, as much as I have been having tremendous fun in England [Ed. "I am not being sarcastic - nor is this sarcasm - nor was that...."], the time has come for another escape. I have re-applied for my old job teaching in Japan, had an interview, been offered a position and accepted. Assuming I am not struck down by illness/a bus/an act of God in the next 3 months, I will be returning to Japan in August. I really have enjoyed my time in England, but I can't abide the crappy weather and surplus of alcohol-fuelled idiots rampaging through the streets. Some may call that a little hypocritical as many would claim that the description 'rampaging alcohol-fueled idiot' would suit me rather well; however, there are idiots and there are idiots. So anyway, long story short - I have 3 more months left and then I intend to bail for a considerable time. I urge all those that have yet to grow weary of me to come visit me over there, as it is tremendous fun - hence my decision to return.

Now that I have a deadline, it's back on with the mega saving of pennies. Need to accumulate a vast amount of funds for my return, as I may or may not owe the Japanese government a moderate amount of taxes. It's all good though - you've gotta pay the piper at some point. This is however in direct conflict with my plans for the upcoming months, as I have many fine activities in the pipeline. As many of you have noticed I spend most weekends darting around all over the shop for capers - this is due to continue. Trips lined up over the coming month or two include Manchester (next weekend), Edinburgh, Liverpool, (probably) London and (hopefully) Amsterdam. If you would like to join me in any of these escapades, give me a shout. Those of you that live in said cities, your inclusion in capers is both assumed and mandatory ;)

Anyway, I have waffled on a fair bit and really said very little, so I will stop there for now. But I wanted to dust off this bad boy and get some words out there. Will try and convince Rami to get some updates posted as well.

In the meantime, I hope you're all chillin' like villains with massive grins on your faces :) Ciao.

Gepetto's So-Called Wunderkind

I'm feeling creative. I have been reading my friends' blogs - namely Valiant Skipper, Beers On The Corner and a travel blog chronicling the international exploits of some good friends of mine - and it has filled my brain with ideas/thoughts/feelings/impulses. More than I can possibly handle at one time - but it gave me an urge to do a great many things. One such urge was an immediate desire to do something creative. Now I'm no where near as blessed in the art department as many of my friends, but I am not without some element of creative flair.

I had 3 ways in mind to express my creative impulses. The first is the picture below.


Not much I know, but just a brief shout out to some upstanding pillars of the international community. Granted BxOxTxC might not mean alot, if anything, to most of you, but it is a reference to something that I have for too long neglected. See the aforementioned blogs for an insight. I have not made a video for quite some time and it was today that I had the vision of what my next one shall be; said theme being BxOxTxC. Stay tuned for more developments on that one.

The other avenue for creativity is Codename: BetaDog - which some of you are now aware of. My friend Chris and I have been putting together various ideas for t-shirt designs, just to see what we can come up with. Have a look and see what you think or if you have any ideas for any new t-shirts yourself. Anyway, this evening I busted out 4 new designs - so have a gander.

The other main thing that sprang to mind while reading my friends' blogs was my urge to flee Britain once again. I know I go on about this all the time, but it's a hard feeling to keep in. I'm not going to rush off any time soon as I currently have a cool job which pays well and this is a good situation for me to be in right now. However, I've been reminded that there are so many amazing places out there and I really need to go visit them sooner rather than later. To this end, I've currently been saving about £1000 a month and will continue to do so until the time to act is upon me.

I can't help but feel that our youth is like water in our hands. You may think to yourself that you have plenty of time, but if you don't make the most of it while you have it, it'll have run out before you even realise what happened - et voila, before you know you're an old man wondering what the hell happened.

Granted it could all be a combination of the recent sunshine, the energetic music I keep listening to, my lack of patience and having friends abroad - but I'm feeling a big tug towards the great unkown [Ed. Well, unknown to me].

I'm so buzzed and excitable recently - maybe it's all this healthy food I keep eating. Who knows. All I know is that I need adventure. I feel a bit like the Anti-Pinocchio; he was so desperate to become a real boy and it's a fate I'm trying desperately to avoid.

Codename: BetaDog

Chris and I have been designing t-shirts - have a gander and see if you like any of them. We're making new ones all the time. If you want one printed or want to submit a design yourself, then give us a shout. So go check out Codename: BetaDog.

You can follow Codename: BetaDog on twitter too to see when new designs come out.

Stalemate

Am I the only person who thinks that Ginger Nut biscuits are nicer stale than fresh? They become all soft and chewy - it's ace.

Guess I better bust out a quick update anyway. Firstly, the £12.50 diet - it's going alright so far. Mostly been eating lots of fruit, salad, tuna, baked beans, whole grain bread and some Ginger Nut biscuits. My daily calorie count is pretty low on this diet, but it's covering all the essential food groups I reckon. So you're is unlikely to get malnutrition, but given the low calorie count, you couldn't keep it up indefinitely I suppose. I have so far spent £9.42, leaving me with £3.08. Granted it's only Wednesday, but I have enough food at home to last me for the rest of the week. I will probably use the £3 on Friday to get more fruit for the weekend. The only thing that has made this a bit tricky is that I have had the dreaded ManFlu since Sunday evening.

A rare strain of flu so powerful and so deadly it can only be matched by the Bubonic Plague and Aids. A incurable virus which has adapted to only effect the "XY" gene found in men. The virus attacks the immune system 10,000 times harder than the average flu virus, causing excruciating pain for the victim. Man Flu has no cure and prayers can save the forsaken life of the infected. The often deadly virus is mostly laughed at by women who sadly cannot contract "Man Flu".

Woman: Is he ok?
Doctor: I'm afraid not, I'm sad to say he has Man Flu

- Quote from UrbanDictionary.com

Secondly, as many of you may be aware, I was on BBC Radio 6 on Monday. I was on George Lamb's weekday show. I'm sure I came across as the div kid that I am. If you want to listen to it, you should be able to catch it here for a limited time.

Other things that spring to mind:

- If you're planning to lose weight, I'd suggest the self-imposed budget restraint method rather than Rami's IDOYT diet, as even though I am sure there are merits to both systems, I'm pretty sure no-one ever suffered chronic kidney failure from beans on toast.

- From what I've listened to so far, Rokysopp's new album seems on a par with previous efforts and, as such, is well worth a listen. You can listen to the entire album on their website.

Pain vs Gain Part II

All the Paracetamol are driving me mad. Today I ripped a leftover red nose from Red Nose Day in half and it kind of looks like the sliced open, dismembered head of a World War 1 soldier from the book I'm reading...(great book by the way, I highly recommend it)

Booked a dentist appointment for Friday. Decided that general members of the public shouldn't be encouraged to go on the IDOYT diet.

Healthy vs Wealthy

I'm sure many of you are aware of a recent news story regarding a British family who are all claiming disability allowance on the grounds that they are all incapacitated by obesity. The family claims that none of them are able to work due to their weight problem and as such require benefits.

Now many could use/have used this to whinge about tax payers' money and idle layabouts etc in a very Daily Mail-esque manner, however none of those things concern me. What I am interested in is their budget. The family supposedly receives the equivalent of a £30k a year salary between the four of them; from this they say they have a food budget of £50 a week to feed four of them. They have claimed that this an insufficient amount to feed a family of four and they are therefore unable to eat healthy foods (such as fruit and vegetables) due to the aforementioned budget constrictions. As such they are forced to always opt for unhealthy options (ready meals etc) as these are cheaper.

It is this that has particularly intrigued me and lead me to my next personal challenge. Next week - commencing from Monday 23rd - I am going to try and survive for the week on a budget of £12.50 (1/4 of their £50 weekly budget) for all my food and drink requirements. I'm not trying to prove a point or be clever; I am just interested to see how difficult it is to have a healthy balanced diet (which is what I'm all about these days) on such a meager budget. Will see how it goes anyway - stay tuned.

Dear Shower...

Shower: What up fool! How'd you like your shower today - too hot or too cold?

Me: Is there any chance of a happy medium?

Shower: ...?

Me: You know - like just warm or a moderate temperature?

Shower: I can't understand a word you're saying.

Me: Ok ok - on the one hand we have hot, on the other hand we have cold; put you hands together. What do you get?

Shower: I can't even talk to you. You're just talking nonsense.

Me: Can you atleast try and imagine a temperature between hot and cold?

Shower: Tell you what - you seem to like imagining things; you just came up with this conversation after all. So how about, I run at whatever damn temperature I please and you just imagine it's what you wanted?

Me: I see. While we're on the subject - is there any chance you could just pick one temperature and stick to it? Rather than changing your mind every 2 minutes.

Shower: Walk away - walk away now.

Me: ...

Tired Eyes

I had a random thought.  I went to the pub.  I returned.  I made... something...

I'm going to bed now.

How London is making me bitter pt. 1

thelondonpaper.com and london lite free evening newspapers

Week One: What's this, a free newspaper? How convenient! It's great how all the people handing them out are all standing in ideal places to ensure you get a copy just before you get onto the Tube.

Here's an article in here on Lilly Allen and where she goes on a night out. I can't see why any of the ladies would buy their usual Heat magazine if they can just dip into these papers and get their fix of daily gossip. Loads of London news and things to do as well as the sport in the back too! Sure it gets my hands a little smudged with ink but hey, its a free newspaper and it gives me something to read on the way home for a few minutes. Well done to whoever set this up for coming up with a fantastic business idea. I wish I'd thought of it.

End of Year One: Just f*** off, f*** off and get out of my way!! I'm trying to get home and here you are, standing in the way of the Tube entrance making everyone walk around you as you desperately hand out your filthy, stinking rags. You shove those disgusting papers full of the same half ar$ed cut and paste articles from the Daily Mail and adverts for sh*tty new build apartments in Slough into peoples hands who are too polite to say no. I am going to slap you with the weighty novel I've taken to carrying around with me without actually reading it because I think it will impress pretty girls. They should find out who's organising this ritual inconvenience to the whole of London and hang them up by their knackers.

Stratergy meeting...Smatergy meeting more like!!

S’up bloggers and bloggets, I’m currently sat in our department’s monthly meeting and could think of no better time for updating my blog. Considering our Director has just drawn a picture of a leaking bucket in order to explain to the group how our business is currently a “leaky bucket” and described the Senior Management’s strategy for hitting a budget £1.5 million over projected growth as “magic”, I don’t think I’m missing much.

Some general thoughts and musings:

I’ve now decided I hate Radio1 and refuse to have it on even in the background. The worst aspect of this being the incredibly lazy journalism which rears its ugly head every half hour. Instead I’ve moved over to Magic FM… Dr. Fox’s smooooth classics are a great way to wake up every morning.

Lady GaGa’s new track is the worst piece of pop music I’ve ever heard in my life.

For some unknown reason I’ve started looking for a wedding ring on the fingers of those ladies I gawp at on the Underground. I have no intention of speaking to these women but subconsciously I still feel it necessary to look for silverware.

I’ve started carrying a handkerchief around with me as I think it looks much better than tissues or wiping snot on your jeans. I know I’m just carrying around the contents of my nose in my pocket but it just feels right OK?!

All five thoughts I’ve just mentioned along with my embarrassing fall in the shower this weekend have made me realise I’m a really old man.

I really want to get a Blackberry. Not because I will use its capabilities to their fullest extent, just because I think it looks cool. Is this the modern day equivalent of a Secondary School kid taking a briefcase to classes?

I re-watched The Office - UK edition again this weekend and it’s no longer a hilarious and outlandish take on a crazy world I’ve never been to, but a harrowing documentary on how pointless it is getting up every morning. I prayed this day would never come.

I’m going to work on my “I’m pretending to listen to you face”. It needs more eyebrow.

Still not heard anything from Doha and Qatar Airways. I’m starting to think that interview went really badly.

I can’t wait to see the gang down in London this weekend! I’ve planned a kick ass itinerary which should be waiting for you all in your inboxes.

The Not-So-Lost Boys

Bonsoir. A couple of glasses of red wine and the urge to blog came over me. Well 'urge' is the wrong word - more of a half-hearted compulsion. But anyway, might as well get stuck in now that I've started.

I guess we could start with what I've been up to, but I don't feel like it. Needless to say that I've been going out, poisoning my body, meeting new people - some memorable and some not - and generally keeping myself entertained. I thought today I'd share some of the big thoughts that have entered my brain during the last several hours of consciousness.

1. How on earth is it so cold in my office, that even with hiking boots and 3 pairs of socks (2 pairs of which are thermal socks) that my toes still feel so numb as that they might fall off my feet at any moment. I question my body's circulation.
2. Empire of the Sun are awesome.
3. If the opportunity avails itself I intend to return to Japan. I've let the thought simmer away on the back-burners of my mind for a while and now I think it's the right thing to do. Well, maybe not the right thing - but certainly a thing. My plans were finalised after consulting the Magic Eight Ball.
4. I am actually astounded by the number of colds I have endured during this winter in England. It seems I left my immune system in Japan.
5. I need to make a video - it has been ages. This bothers me. I need some inspiration/motivation/inovation/perspiration/respiration...? I need to pull my thumb out.
6. I wonder if the Japanese government will remember that I owe them £700 of taxes. I tell a lie - at current exchange rates it's more like £1000. I guess it'll be interesting to find out. I wonder if the phone company will be after me as well.

Anyway - there are some things on/in/around my mind. As for happenings - last weekend I reminded myself that intoxication combined with my dodgy eyesight and strobe lights result in me having the visual accuity of a bat in dark glasses who has been staring directly into the sun for a month. I was a mess - but it was fun. This weekend I intend to attack London. It should prove interesting.

I'm going to leave you with this unashamedly weird and fun video from Empire of the Sun. This song is fantastic and puts a smile on my face - hopefully you'll like it too.

Milk

Like myself, many of you may have noticed that you have become subject to ageing. Ageing is a terrible affliction, known to affect people at random with a variety of symptoms; face cancer, unwillingness to 'live it up to the max', adding unnecessary sound effects to simple bodily functions, disillusionment, a skewed 'yawning/not yawning ratio', hair displacement, complaining more about things despite increasing indifference... the list goes on. We all hope to age like fine wine, but the reality of it is that we age more like milk.

The reason I'm thinking about ageing is because it's a work night, I am incredibly tired and I am due to leave the house in 20 minutes to go to a student houseparty. Right now I can think of nothing better than sitting down in comfy clothes, in a comfy chair and watching some light-hearted comedy before having an early night. Furthermore, knowing that I was to attend this house party, rather than take some cheap lager or vodka and mixer etc, I seem to have purchased a few expensive ales that I intend to slowly sup during the course of the evening.

How on earth has this mental shift come to pass? Not more than 6 months ago, I was out partying almost every night without fail. I used to have a job where I had to wake up at 5am for an hour and a half commute and yet I still spent only 1 or 2 nights in my apartment per week. Most evenings I was out living life. Right now 'living life' seems like something that can wait till the weekend. Even then, I am filled with a slight amount of dread about having to get a train to Leeds on Saturday and then having to deal with Sunday trains and not having a day to sit around in my dressing gown watching TV. This is a shocking attitude. I am usually known for my undue amount of enthusiasm towards all possibly enjoyable activities. I am labelling this current period in my life as a Funk.

It's not that I'm not happy or bored - I am perfectly contented with my current circumstance. I have a job, money, plenty of friends and a very easy life. However, I can't help but feel that I should be doing things. Maybe this too is a subject of ageing; that nagging feeling that the sands of time are running out, so I should go and do things while I still have time. I know that I am only 25 and am far from being classed as 'old', but I'm still older than I was (a redundant statement I know) - point being that the time between then and now passed by way too quickly and continues to do so.

Hmm like other old fogey friends, I seem to have lost my train of thought. I was distracted by singing along to a Girls Aloud song - which I suppose serves as a sign that even though I may feel about 100 years old right now, I'm still wonderfully immature :) (the smiley face is further testiment to this).

Anyway - I'm going to drag myself off for a shower, as the aforementioned 20 minutes, has now reduced to 4. Then I'm going to go find the happy middle-ground between being a fun-loving houseparty-goer and a sensible person who doesn't want to feel like a zombie tomorrow. For we all know - Zombies don't win hugs.

Another World, Another Time... In the Age of Wonder.

Things I found in my head:

• I wish I had eaten less of that chocolate Santa.
• Friendly Fires - 'Paris' is an awesome song.
• What happened to Yogi Bear?
• Brrrap Obama.
• Keifer Sutherland is cool.
• iPlayer Downloader is a very handy program.
• I have an urge to watch Face Off and I, Robot but lack the resolve (or a copy of Face Off).
• I seem to have lost the motivation to move my left arm.
• Brave-starr! Bravestarr! Eyes of the hawk, Ears of the wolf!
• If you had the ability to fly, how much would you really use it on a day-to-day basis? I mean without an aeroplane.... airplane.... plane.
  
• An Aero-plane would undoubtedly be structurally unsound.
• I can't believe there is a whole website devoted to a chocolate bar.
• Sarah Jessica Parker really isn't as bad looking as people claim.
• Flight of the Navigator was amazing.
• I might be wrong about the SJP thing.
• I haven't 'concurred' in ages.
  

Drizzle Fo' Shizzle

My last post got me thinking - namely about 'drizzle'. Here are some drizzle related wonders/musings that have been kindly provided by our sponsors - The Magic of T'Internets.

• Drizzle "(also called mizzle) is light precipitation consisting of liquid water drops smaller than those of rain, and generally smaller than 0.5 mm (0.02 in.) in diameter." [Wikipedia]
• Drizzle could be a suitable nickname for Dr Dre.
• Drizzle is "a story which develops around a young marine biologist and his assistant, who suddenly find themselves able to communicate with whales at the same time the International Whaling Commission, following a twenty year moratorium, re-opens the seas to harvesting whales." [A novel by John H Burns]
• Drizzle could be urban slang for the derailment of a train... D-Rizzle.
• Drizzle is "hydroponically grown marijuana." [Urban Dictionary]
• Drizzle in French would be 'Drizzlé'.
• Drizzle is "a lightweight SQL database for Cloud and Web" - you're guess is as good as mine. [Launchpad]
• Drizzle is one of the 'Stealth rains' - along with 'Spitting'. You'll be soaked through before you even realise that it was raining.
• Drizzle is "the best little independent ISP in the Puget Sound region". I don't know what a 'Puget' is or what sound it/they make. [Drizzle.com]
• Drizzle is the appropriate action to take when applying lemon juice to your pancake prior to the addition of a light dusting of sugar.

Coolio FTW

I'm very on and off with Big Brother, but as I haven't watched it for a few years now I've decided to dabble a little with the latest series of Celebrity Big Brother. I have watched it a couple of times during this first week and am now definitely rooting for Coolio to win, although I am sure that he probably won't. He seems to be the only member of the house that actually has a personality and any banter at all - the other members of the house comprise of the dull and the positively awful. I don't doubt that Coolio will be nominated at every possible opportunity, but I really hope he goes the distance as he's the only character worth watching. I'm sure I'm not alone on this one.

The Goosebump Conundrum

It has just occurred to me how rubbish Goosebumps are. It's bad enough that your body chooses to signify its distaste for the climate by altering the texture of your skin to appear similar to that of a goose - as if shivering, chattering teeth and, for men, a sometimes severe blow to your masculine fortitude weren't enough. But it has also dawned on me that Goosebumps actually increase the surface area of your skin, thus allowing you to lose heat faster and become colder. It's the metaphorical equivalent of trying to cool down by wrapping yourself in a duvet.

Maybe I should create an 'Anti-Goosebumps' group on Facebook...?